I have my ups and downs like many other people.
Even worse when my hormones go crazy with the month, but just bear with it.
I may have negative thoughts when my whole turbulence wave comes but at least they are only thoughts with no action put to it. It's just how I wish to express my hatred and my disagreement to the situation.
I know there's always a silver lining around every fluffy clouds in the world but with my choice, I'd like to choose my own path, and have my own chances.
Other people's failure doesn't mean it'll be the same for me. Maybe the possibilities of falling into the same down pit category is big because it's a majority factor but I believe I am special.
Everyone is special in their own way so am I.
I do not end up like other people out on the streets if I make myself better, if I make that choice and fall on my own.

I get back up.

Let me give it a try, give me a chance.
Don't judge me and try to put others' shadow in my reflection.
I am me, they are them.
Nothing ends the same if you don't let them to.

I believe in myself and as who I've believed in for so many years, I hope you give me some trust too.

Thanks.

I was usually patronizing them, selling them off sealed with a bliss(that's what I'd describe it as) smile. But since it has been half years since I've been with my love & I'm dying to kick off this blog back to life with an interesting post, I shall share with you guys. (:

It was my birthday celebration, I'd link it but I was too busy to even blog about it. ): I'd do a brief one here then I'll post it soon. After almost  year. Well, that's procrastination alright.

I have a cake from my coursemates and then Derrick started the cake fight, caking Nana, then I found someone, a victim. It was her, I took a slab of cream from the Secret Recipe cake and chased after her. Trying to smother some right in her face. I did succeed and from that day we exchanged random conversations; from short 'Hi's & 'bye's to asking for a ride home from her.

Then at this very well first semester break, mom had me work part time since I had nothing much to do really back in Ipoh. So I did. The job was new but being the ever easily bored me, I had to text at least one person to help me survive work. I texted her. She'd always reply me and she's always cracking jokes, making me smile and definitely helping my time pass.

On the 30th, she asked me if I'd mind if she's to call me baby.

Her reasoning to that was, she calls most of her friends that. ( little lie there ;P )

I was alright with it, because honestly, it's okay with me.

Then, it was like playing with fire. She's the first person I wanted to call on New Years. The first person I think of texting when I first opened my eyes awake from my sleep. The last person I want to text good night to before I sleep. I was confused. Calling each other baby was like a daily routine. Wishing her a 'good morning baby' was a habit and it makes me smile like an idiot to myself when she replies similar to it. :)

Then my colleague asked me one time if she was trying to court me. I didn't know what to answer her, I texted her though. Asked her the same question but her question, somehow, upset me.

She said: " I would want to but I'm not into it at the moment. "

I was bummed, totally upset but I didn't know why.

Then she stopped calling me baby, addressing me with my name again, things got really uptight, really strange, as if everything before, what she texted, what she said, everything was just a dream. And real life was nightmare all over again.


It was disastrous, a torture when I really wished to celebrate her birthday with her but I was afraid I would upset her. But a while after that, I made my decision.

It was new to me.

The road was  new to me.

The experience was new to me.

But I was willing to try, for her.

She still wouldn't call me 'baby' again though. I missed it, I mentioned it to her an then she told me that she wouldn't call me 'baby' unless we start to date. I said I would try but it didn't mean she'd let me in her life.

It took me a whole lot of my gut to buy myself couple rings and guessed her finger size. Measuring it mentally. Picturing her slender fingers comparing it to mine.

I have it with me, hoping the size would be just perfect.

One very fine Wednesday, half of the 118 batch had a night out at Mois. I thought: Oh, what a great opportunity to give her the ring. I did.

I waited for her and her friends to reach and I approached her right away. Striding in my heels, I went straight to her, catching her by the eye and aiming for something to act as my ring box. Her bowtie. I took it and slipped the ring through it's band and stuffing it back to her, with no one noticing & left.

I went right into the club as our table was ready and waited for her friends and her to come in. She came in, ring slipped in finger, my heart smiled like crazy, butterflies ready to gush out from my guts. I shouted in her ear against the loud music: I don't have mine. Turned out she's been eyeing the ring I had looped through my necklace. She knew I had it.

Aww.

The next day, I woke up to a text, she called me 'baby'. I knew. That is it. That's our start.

Our beginning.

She's my love, I'm hers.

I very sneakily asked her, "who's your baby ?"

She said : "PENNY CHONG."



It's been half a year since then: 6 months, 26 weeks, 182 days since that very day.

I love you baby.

I forever will. You don't believe in forever but forever, to me, means, every tomorrow that we all awake to live by. So we'll appreciate everyday we have for as long as we have tomorrow.